It is so difficult to admit sometimes that you are just not handling things. Not coping. I had told people about me when they asked how I was "not coping very well", my response. I never asked for help I could not. I felt that if I did need help I was failing my DH.
It all went belly up on Saturday and eventually his daughters came and my DH has been away overnight and will be away for today and tonight. I pick him up for an appointment and we will come home.
I miss him, he is missing me.
I just needed to have some sleep, some time to think about nothing else, no one.
But this does not happen. Even though I slept really well undisturbed sleep so rejuvenating, I have been anxious about how my DH is going. He is with his daughters who love him dearly, but it is in a strange home, strange bed, expectations are different, he can not sit inside and smoke his pipe. He is not entirely happy but will stay as he knows how much I need this short break.
When the girls came to pick him up, I did not want him to go. I cried and sobbed, in the end he decided it was important for me. Me time.
I can not say how much I love this man. How even though I know it is okay for me to have time, how guilty I feel. For failing him.
I needed to fall apart, loose the plot before I screamed out for help.
Not the best way to do things. I hate loosing control, I hate failing at the important things in life.
I know that I have not failed I really do know this. The feeling at the time is what stops me from asking for help.
Perhaps in future I can ask for help.
Arroz Blanco: Mexican Garlic Rice
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