Thankyou all.

Well it has been so long since I have come onto my blog.  I am sure many of you can understand and even now, it is not easy.  The past time has been vvery hard, and I miss my husband so much.  I am so greatful to have had such an incredible relationship and know how fortunate I have been!.  This keeps me from falling too far.  Depression and being alone have been companions.  I have not been lonely, I have incredible family and friends, and those of you on here who have communicated even though I have not responded.  One thing I have found is no matter how hard it has been having people leave me messages on the phone, and emails have really been my saving grace.  As have my animals and having to get up and feed, walk , care for them..have stopped me sinking too far into the black abyss.  I also thank my local community and friends for love. 
It has been a hard hard road and continues to be.  I began a new job close to home and less hours.  This allowed me to escape and return to a structure I was unable to have at home. 

I still have periods of time where answering the phone, or emails is impossible.  One thing I have found strange is that I have been pushing people away, even my stepdaughters..not able to tidy the  house, the garden is neglected and I have not been able to have my beautiful stepdaughters and their families down.  Yet it is the thing I want more than anything.  As to I want to have friends visit  but am unable to these things I do not understand.    I have decided that I my blogging may bring me back to a place where I will function at home as well as I do at work.